


Don't Check the Baker

by zimmiebitty (Angelwithwingsoffire)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Bitty might have PTSD, Established Relationship, M/M, Panic Attacks, The Haus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-24 18:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7518823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelwithwingsoffire/pseuds/zimmiebitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even the most observant members of the Haus had yet to really notice Bitty's aversion to physical contact, especially rough contact. Everyone knew about the fear of checking, but no one had really noticed the flinching when someone else got tackle-hugged by Holster, or the shrinking back whenever he said something that might make someone else angry. But it only takes one mistake, one surprise gone bad, for Jack to see all of this in a brand new light. And that leads to a very soul-baring discussion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bitty isn’t scared of being back in Madison, he isn’t, he’s just…nervous. He’s nervous that he’s going to slip up and let something out that he’s supposed to keep wrapped up inside him while he’s at home and everything will devolve the way it did in seventh grade and he can’t-he can’t go through that again. He won’t survive that again. He thought he was going to be able to do this, be able to hide that part of him that is so out and open at school, but Jack is going to be here. He’s going to be in Madison and he’s going to be sleeping in his room and meeting his parents and-and-and okay, Bitty’s scared. He’s scared of accidentally letting everything slip and fall out into the Georgia sun and into the world and he’s scared of ruining Jack’s career before it’s even begun. He’s _terrified_ of ruining Jack’s career. He just hopes no one notices anything and he can act natural for the week Jack’s here. Then he can lock all those feelings into his heart and hold tight to them until he can go back to the freedom Samwell. But until then, he just needs to hold on to his feelings and get through this without accidentally outing himself, and Jack, to the entirety of Madison, Georgia. And go pick Jack up from the airport. He also needs to do that.

“Dicky!” His Mama called. “Do you need Coach or I to drive with you to the airport?”

“No Mama! I can do it!” Bitty called back immediately. His parents could not go with him. The airport and the drive back were going to be the only times they’d be left alone today because knowing his mother she would want to show him everything in the house, including all of the family photos for the last eighteen years. “I’m taking the truck, right?”

“Yep and don’t you forget y’all need to pick up groceries on the way home so Jack has food here he likes and wants to eat.”

“Mama he’s a hockey player.” Bitty laughed, ducking into the kitchen to get the truck keys. “We’re like football players, anything edible is good.”

Suzanne laughed. “Well it still doesn’t fit for our guest to have to conform to us just because he’ll eat anything. Let him get what he likes and don’t forget what we need for the barbeque your daddy’s hosting again this year.”

“Of course Mama.” Bitty smiled, kissing her cheek after he grabbed the keys from the hook by the side door. “I’ll be back soon then.”

“Don’t get lost and drive safe!” Suzanne called after him. Bitty just waved and got in the car. That was one crisis diverted, but how many would he need to divert this week?

***

“Are you okay?” Jack asked when he came back from the bathroom that night to see Bitty just lying on the bed.

“Are we going to be able to do this?” Bitty mumbled, looking over to him.

“Do what?” Jack asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Stay hidden?”

Bitty nodded.

“Yes.” Jack told him.

“How are you so sure?”

“Because I’ve hidden how much I love you for six months, what’s one week?” Jack smiled.

“Really?” Bitty asked. “That long?”

Jack nodded and then shrugged. “I couldn’t admit to myself back then, I just told myself that this was just what it felt like to have a best friend again, one that doesn’t lay naked on my bed and declare we’re best friends two days after meeting.”

Bitty smiled at that. “Why’d you not want to admit it?”

“I didn’t want to admit it to myself and let myself fall in love and then lose you.” Jack told him. “I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle it if you rejected me.”

“Why would I reject you?” Bitty smiled. “You’re Jack Zimmermann, the best hockey captain I’ve ever had and one of the best friends I’ve ever made.”

“I don’t know.” Jack admitted. “I didn’t think you liked me like that. Or if you did, why would you want to date me when all it means is that you have to go back into the closet because I chose one of the only careers in the world that is more homophobic than some of the south.”

Bitty chuckled and sniffed, getting up to curl over and lean onto Jack. “For you, I’ll stay in the closet. I know you don’t plan on staying here. And besides, you’re spending the one week of the summer we could see each other hiding in my closet with me.” Bitty pointed out. “Liking a boy isn’t even an option down here.”

“It’s okay.” Jack whispered, pulling Bitty close. “We’ll get through it together, right?”

Bitty nodded. “Hopefully.”

“We will.” Jack said firmly. “We’ve waited six months, we can make it one week in Georgia. I know we can.”

Bitty took a deep breath and grinned. “I thought I was supposed to be the optimistic one in this relationship?”

“I guess you’re rubbing off on me.” Jack smiled.

“I guess so.”

***

Jack was actually having a good time in Georgia. It was awful that he couldn’t hold his boyfriend’s hand outside the privacy of Bitty’s childhood bedroom but it wasn’t as awful as he thought it would be. He was prepared for open hatred and constant monitoring of his thoughts and actions but it was coming a lot more smoothly than he thought it would. It was probably due to him ignoring his feelings for as long as he did, so he had a lot of practice. But today was going to be absolutely amazing because Bitty’s parents were going to be going to visit some family members a few towns over because some third cousin of Coach Bittle had a kid and that required a family gathering in the South, which he didn’t understand, but it meant Bitty and he finally had the house to themselves for a few hours and he was going to spend it curled up on the couch with his boyfriend finally getting to express how much he loves him without accidentally falling asleep or being worried about Bitty’s mom walking in.

He spent the morning going on a slow jog, not even daring to try a run after the first time when he nearly died in the humidity, but it burned just as much as a run with all the sweat he put out. He’d just gotten back, and spotting the empty spot where the Bittle’s car had been that morning and hearing the Beyoncé from the kitchen, he decided to try to surprise Bitty.

He snuck around the side of the house, carefully opening the side door and sneaking into the kitchen, grinning when he saw Bitty at the stove, eyes closed as he bopped his head to the song pumping from his portable speakers.

Jack snuck forward, getting right up behind Bitty before wrapping his arms around Bitty’s waist, squeezing tight, and whispering in his ear. “Well hello there gorgeous.”

Bitty did not jump and then turn around with a smiled admonishing like Jack had expected. Instead, he immediately burst out into tears, limbs flailing as he tried to get Jack off of him.

“Please no!” He shouted. “Please don’t please it’s not what you think it’s not I promise it’s okay it’s please don’t please don’t please lord don’t.”

“Bitty.” Jack gasped, immediately letting go and following Bitty to the ground as he slumped down next to the oven, covering his face with his arms and pulling his knees up into the fetal position, still crying and rambling and begging not to be harmed. Jack didn’t know what to do. He tried reaching out and holding Bitty’s shoulder, a move that Shitty always did to ground Jack during his panic attacks, but it only made Bitty flinch away and cry even harder, begging not to be harmed ‘again’ as he kept repeating.

“Bitty.” Jack tried calling, trying to break him out of the panic he had fallen into. “Bitty, Bitty please. It’s okay. It’s me. It’s Jack. It’s okay. You’re safe. No one will hurt you here. I promise. I’m here. I’ll protect you. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Please Bitty. Please. I’m right here. It’s okay.” Jack kept repeating all the reassuring things he could think of, rambling them off as he tried to calm Bitty down while also keeping himself calm, not knowing what to do while his boyfriend had an obviously traumatic flashback inducing panic attack.

It took several long minutes before Bitty’s rambling slowed to a stop and he slowly raised his head. “Jack?”

“Oh _merde_ Bitty.” Jack gasped. “Yes, I’m here. I’m here. It’s okay.”

Bitty cried even more, throwing himself forward into Jack’s arms.

Jack caught him easily, pulling him into his arms. “God, Bitty I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I did but I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

Bitty shook his head. “Not your fault. Not your fault. Theirs. All their fault.”

“Whose?” Jack asked. “Whose fault is this? What happened Bitty?”

Bitty just kept shaking his head. “I can’t.”

“Bitty.” Jack begged. “Please. Talk to me. I can’t-I can’t see you like that. It _hurts_.”

“Please just-just hold me for now?” Bitty begged. “I can’t right now.”

“Okay.” Jack accepted. “Okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”

It took half an hour for Bitty and Jack to both calm down enough to get off the kitchen floor, take the pie out of the oven, turn off the up-beat baking playlist, and move into the living room to lay on the couch together.

“Jack?” Bitty whispered after they’d sat down.

“Yes?”

“Can you get Señor Bun?”

“Of course.” Jack immediately got back to his feet. “You’ll be okay by yourself while I do?”

Bitty nodded, leaning over and laying down. “I’m fine.”

Jack was still worried, but he knew the stuffed rabbit would help Bitty anchor himself again, so he hurried up the stairs to get it and return to Bitty’s side as quickly as he could.

When he got back downstairs, Bitty had acquired a layer of blankets on the couch but it looked like he hadn’t moved.

“Can I lay with you?” Jack asked gently.

Bitty nodded, lifting up his blankets and letting Jack slide in under them. They adjusted so Bitty was laying on Jack’s chest and Jack’s hands were on Bitty’s head and his back, holding the blonde to his chest.

“Do you want to talk?” Jack asked after a long moment.

Bity shook his head.

“Can I talk then?” Jack asked instead.

Bitty was still for a moment before nodding.

“I didn’t want to leave you alone to go get Señor Bun because Shitty has always refused to leave me alone after one of my attacks.” Jack started explaining, his voice soft. “After the overdose, no one wants to leave me alone after an attack. They’re all scared I’ll do it again. But Shitty, Shitty’s just scared I’ll get so concentrated on the guilt of having one that I’ll have another one.”

Jack laughed a bit at a memory. “Once, during freshmen year, I was so anxious he refused to leave my side for five days straight. He went to every class with me and refused to leave me to go to his so I had to go to his so he would. I’ll never forget, I was so confused why this kid I’d just met decided I was worth all the effort he was willing to put in just to keep me sane.”

“You’re worth it all.” Bitty whispered.

“Maybe.” Jack responded. “I didn’t think so, especially then. I still wasn’t sure I’d made the right decision coming to college.”

“Did you?”

“Yes. This was definitely the best decision I’ve ever made. I found a family there.” Jack smiled. “I met you. You were probably the best thing to come of playing Samwell hockey.”

Bitty smiled. “I’m happy I chose there to. I got to get away from all this.”

“This being Georgia?”

Bitty nodded. “I couldn’t stay here. I don’t think I would have survived.”

Jack bit his lip. “Is this about what happened earlier?”

“I’m sorry about that.” Bitty immediately told him.

“Don’t apologize.” Jack begged. “Not to me. I-I caused it. I scared you so bad you had a panic attack.”

“No, no, Jack baby it’s not your fault.” Bitty assured him, pushing himself up onto his elbow to look Jack in the eye. “It was not your fault at all darling.”

“Certainly feels like it.” Jack told him, his eyes tearing up. “I just wanted to surprise you because your parents were gone and I _could_ and then I caused a panic attack!”

“Jack.” Bitty said firmly, putting a hand on his face to wipe away the tears that were there. “It was most definitely not your fault. I’ve had them before. I would have reacted to anyone the same.”

“Why?” Jack asked. “What happened? I-I can’t hurt you like that again.”

“You can’t tell anyone.” Bitty told him. “No one.” He stressed. “Not even my mama knows exactly what happened, and she knows everything.”

“I won’t tell.” Jack promised.

Bitty took a deep breath, laying back down on Jack’s chest. “We didn’t used to live here, in Madison. We moved here after my dad got a good job offer at the local high school. But he started looking for jobs because of something that happened to me.”

“You don’t have to tell me if it hurts.” Jack cut in, hearing the pain in Bitty’s voice and feeling the tension under his hands.

“No.” Bitty told him. “You’re right. You need to know. You need to know it wasn’t your fault.”

“Then please take your time.” Jack begged. “Don’t-don’t leave me like that again.”

“I won’t.” Bitty assured him. “When I was in seventh grade, I was one of the best figure skaters around. I’d just won the Junior Championship and, well, and the boys at school weren’t exactly accepting of that. I wasn’t out, probably never will be down here till we come together, but they still called me names. They assumed, assumed rightly but they didn’t know. But I was different and so I was a target. For everyone.”

“Bitty.” Jack gasped.

Bitty plowed on. “One night, one of the boys my parents thought I was friends with told them that I was going to spend the night with him. They were of course overjoyed that I was making friends and all that normal parent stuff. But instead of going home with him, he took me behind the school and led me right into the waiting fists of his older brother and the rest of the starting offensive line of the high school football team. The beat me to near unconsciousness and locked me in the equipment shed.”

" _Mon dieu_."

“My parents weren’t looking for me because they thought I was at the other boys house, but the next morning when I didn’t come home and they didn’t get a call, they started to worrying. It was a Saturday, I never missed Saturday lunch. Mama always let me help cook and I was always there. Except that day. It took them nearly all day to find me. I’d been in the shed for nearly 24 hours, beaten and bloody and so far gone that I could barely tell reality from the fiction that had filled my head in the interim. I wouldn’t let any male near me for hours. Mama and the one girl EMT that came to help me were the only ones I’d let near me. I was taken to the hospital and treated by female nurses and a female doctor. It wasn’t till the next day I was even lucid enough to see my own father without screaming. Coach started looking for new jobs the moment he heard it was his team that did it. I never gave names, but he knew.”

“ _Oh ostie de crisse._ ”

Bitty smiled. “Swearing in Québécois is not going to help the situation. It’s over. It happened and I’m living with that.”

“Bitty, you live in a hockey house. You live with athletes every day that have no concept of gentleness or personal space.”

“Yes, Jack. And I’m dealing with it.” Bitty smiled. He pushed himself back up so he could look at Jack. “My freshmen year, you all scared me. Every single one of you terrified me. I went to Samwell to be out and I stayed in the closet for almost an entire semester because I was terrified that if you guys found out I was gay, I’d get beaten again. And yes, I know that’s a completely unfounded concern at Samwell and with you guys but I still had it. I was terrified. I baked as much as I did hoping that it would help get in your good graces enough that when the fact I was gay came out, you wouldn’t want to hurt me, that’s how bad it got. Lord, Jack I had note cards to tell Shitty the very simple declaration that Ransom and Holster weren’t going to find me the perfect girl because I liked guys, not girls. But he accepted it. Holster and Rans accepted it. _You_ accepted. And, to be honest honey you scared me most of all that year.”

Jack opened his mouth to interrupt but Bitty put a finger to his lips.

“Let me talk?”

Jack nodded.

“Thank you.” Bitty smiled. “I know that none of y’all would ever hurt me, in fact you would hurt anyone who tried to hurt me, as proven by the fist fight y’all started the first time I got checked. And that reaction was what pushed me to accept Johnson’s dibs and move in. Y’all are my family. My brothers. You’ve got my back. Yes, it still terrifies me when Holster bursts into the house because my instant reaction is that he might be after me. But then the facts reset and I know that he won’t tackle me like he does Ransom. I don’t know if it’s because he thinks he’ll hurt me or if he’s noticed that I don’t like it, but he won’t. And I trust him not to. But Jack, I still have nightmares of that night I spent in that shed. And I doubt they’ll ever go away. I’m dealing with it though, I am, but it’s a day by day process.”

“One I probably didn’t help scaring you like I did today.” Jack sighed. “That’s what you were begging about, wasn’t it? You thought you were back there, that day, getting beat up.”

Bitty nodded. “It’s not as bad up north where I know the team’s got my back and they won’t hurt me. Down here, it’s where it happened. And I know that most people in this town wouldn’t hesitate to do the same thing to another boy that wasn’t the three-time reigning champion of the state football champion’s son. And for a moment there, yea, I was back with those boys, being grabbed from behind and beaten to a pulp.”

“I am so sorry.” Jack whispered, pulling Bitty down to hold him close, tears popping out again. “I am so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to surprise you and make you smile.”

“Well you certainly surprised me.” Bitty laughed, his voice thick with tears as well. “But it’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”

“I should’ve known better.” Jack insisted. “Everyone, we all noticed you didn’t like being snuck up, always letting you hear us and pretend we succeeded in sneaking. We always made sure you were protected in cellies, especially after that concussion you had. I should’ve known better than to sneak up on you down here.”

“It’s okay.” Bitty smiled, pulling away enough to lean back down and kiss Jack’s cheek. “Baby I know you didn’t mean it, and I ain’t mad, but maybe leaving the surprises to me, okay?”

Jack nodded. “Definitely. Anything.”

Bitty smiled. “Okay. Well now is probably the best time to bring up boundaries?”

“Anything.” Jack repeated immediately.

“Okay, well I don’t particularly enjoy not being able to see the person touching me, so no surprise tickle fights, okay?”

Jack laughed. “Definitely.”

“Okay.” Bitty sighed. “And um roughhousing, wrestling…”

“Nothing like that.” Jack promised. “I am never going to make you feel like that again. I promise.”

“Don’t promise me things like that.” Bitty shook his head. “Just promise me to do the best you can, and that is enough for me. Okay?”

Jack smiled. “Okay.”

“Do you have anything you want in?”

Jack bit his lip. “I-I don’t like being compared to people.”

“Well you are my first everything, so you don’t have to worry about that.” Bitty smiled. “And I’ve waited six months for you, you’re the best there is for me.”

Jack smiled. “Thanks. And um…”

“What is it sweetheart?” Bitty asked. “I can accept anything accept a pie kink because I will not disgrace my pies like that.”

Jack laughed. “No. Nothing like that.”

“Then you can tell me. Lord knows we’ve spilled everything else out today.”

Jack nodded. “On game days, I’d like to be able to talk to you. Before the game. You-you help settle my anxiety like no one I’ve met before and Coach Hall was always right. You make me a better player.”

Bitty smiled. “I promise to make every effort I can to talk to you before every game, okay?”

Jack smiled, nodding shyly. “Thank you.”

“Good.” Bitty grinned. “Then be quiet and cuddle me. I need a nap.”

Jack dutifully fell quiet, stroking Bitty’s back as he finally gave in to the exhaustion Jack knew always followed an anxiety attack that was as strong as Bitty’s was. Jack wasn’t going to go to sleep, one of them needing to stay awake to listen for Bitty’s parents returning, but he knew he wasn’t going to leave Bitty’s side. However he could get something done in the meantime. He wanted to be safe and comfortable no matter where he was. He wanted Bitty to be happy. But he had no idea what to do to make that happen. So he needed to ask someone who would.

Jack managed to get his phone out without waking Bitty and sent a text to Lardo, knowing she would know what to do.

 

_Hey, can we talk when you get back from vacation? I need some advice on something kind of important._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.  
> (ps i dont speak quebecois so sorry if those bits are wrong)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed to make it slightly happy again but first it got kinda sad and then this came out?

When Bitty returned to Samwell for his junior year, he was excited. It was his third year, his second in the Haus so he knew what to expect from all of them, and the new tadpoles were going to absolutely amazing he could just feel it and to top it all off, he and Jack had already made plans to visit each other as often as they could. And Jack promised to always let Bitty know if he was coming to visit. Just to be safe.

Bitty was the first one back in the Haus, to be expected seeing as he was in Providence with Jack the day before, and he took the opportunity and the presence of his strong professional hockey playing boyfriend to throw out the musty old green couch that completely fell apart at the end of last year and replace it with a nice couch he found at a flea market.

“Thank you darling.” Bitty grinned, throwing himself down onto the new couch.

Jack grinned, sitting down next time, pulling Bitty’s feet into his lap. “I’m always glad to help.”

Bitty smiled. “And I am so glad you are because Holster and Ransom were still trying to refuse me a new couch, even after that one busted up completely.”

“Well now you have a new one.” Jack smiled, leaning over to kiss him. “And I should be getting going now.”

Bitty sighed, swinging his legs around to curl into Jack’s side. “Is it bad that I miss you already?”

“You aren’t the one that has to drive away.”

“Are you saying you aren’t going to miss me Mr. Zimmermann?” Bitty demanded.

“Of course I’ll miss you Bits.” Jack grinned. “And your pies.”

Bitty glared at him, making Jack laugh at the way his nose crinkled up. Bitty sighed, throwing his arms up. “I’m done with you.”

“Okay. I’ll just go then.”

“Don’t you dare.” Bitty warned, immediately grabbing his arm.

Jack pulled Bitty into a tight but gentle hug and kissed the top of his head. “We only have to wait a few weeks and then it’ll be time for you to come visit me and help decorate my house.”

Bitty sighed. “A few weeks is far too long.”

“You’ll survive. We managed all summer, we can manage this.”

“I managed all summer knowing there was no way to get to you.” Bitty protested. “Now you’re forty minutes away and an easy visit if I skip classes and practices.”

“No.” Jack said firmly. “You have to go to class and practices. We can’t ditch our lives just to be with each other. You’ve worked so hard to get here, you deserve to get what you can out of this.”

“And if what I want is you?”

“I will try to visit as often as I can.” Jack promised. “Just like you can visit me as often as you can.”

Bitty sighed. “I hate hiding.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself.” Bitty told him. “It’s hockey’s fault, not yours.”

“I chose hockey.” Jack pointed out.

“And I chose you.” Bitty reminded him. “I knew what this would entail. And it’s okay. I promise.”

Jack sighed. “Can I kiss you before I have to go?”

Bitty grinned. “Mr. Zimmermann you better not leave me without kissing me goodbye. I will hunt you down to Providence and kiss you myself.”

“Well maybe I should just leave then.” Jack teased.

“Stop chirping me!”

Jack just laughed and leaned in to kiss him.

Bitty sighed, getting up after they pulled back apart. “You should probably get going before the others get here. Holster was going to get here earlier than normal to stop me from throwing out the couch.”

“I’ll see you tonight on Skype.” Jack smiled, kissing Bitty.

“Oh! Don’t leave yet!” Bitty exclaimed. “I baked you some mini pies to take with you!”

“When did you bake?” Jack followed Bitty to the kitchen, completely amazed. They’d only gotten there this morning and they’d just moved Bitty in and switched the couches out.

“I prepped most of it at your house and then put it all together and in the oven while you were getting the couch delivered.” Bitty smiled. “You deserve it.”

“Bitty my nutritionist is going to kill you.” Jack sighed.

“Does that mean you don’t want them?”

“Definitely not. I love your pies.” Jack immediately declared. “I’m just saying.”

“You’ll live.” Bitty smiled, turning around with the box. “Here. Now get going before you get caught Mr. Zimmermann.”

“You are the best.” Jack smiled, pulling Bitty in for another soft kiss.

“Go.” Bitty smiled, pushing him towards the door. “I’ll be okay.”

Jack smiled back, slipping quietly out the door. Bitty stared after him, smiling, before taking a deep breath and getting to work. The kitchen needed to be scrubbed so he could have some pies ready when the boys got here. Hopefully pies in the oven or on the counter would prevent any of them from trying to tackle him. He missed them all just as much as they did him, but he did not need to start the year with a panic attack. Especially one that he did not want to explain to the entire team.

An hour later and Lardo and Chowder had both arrived, both giving Bitty big hugs and happily having a piece of pie after moving all their stuff into their rooms.

“How was your summer?” Lardo asked, sitting at the counter after Chowder had taken off to see Farmer.

“Good.” Bitty smiled. “I worked at summer camp again and it was amazing. The kids are wonderful and so nice to work with. They’re a lot like the team to be honest.”

Lardo laughed. “This team has always been children at heart. I think that’s why they play so well, they’re all friends just like kids would be.”

“And everyone has each other’s backs.” Bitty added. “The kids at camp always have each other’s backs, especially when it’s to stop someone or all of them from getting into trouble.”

“So exactly like our boys.” Lardo laughed.

Bitty nodded. “Exactly.”

“I SMELL PIE! RANS DO YOU SMELL PIE?” Holster’s voice echoed through the Haus.

“I DEFINITELY SMELL PIE!” Ransom shouted back. There was a loud thud, probably them dropping their bags to the ground, and then the d-men pair was bursting into the kitchen.

Bitty couldn’t stop himself from pulling back, putting Lardo between him and the pair and hoping none of them noticed.

Lardo hopped off the counter immediately, getting between them and the pie. “Pie is for those who have finished moving in.” She declared. “Until that is done neither of you get any.”

“But Lardo!” Holster whined.

“Go!” She ordered.

The two of them pouted but left the room.

“Thanks Lardo.” Bitty muttered. “I’m hoping to use the pie to distract them from the couch being gone.”

Lardo smiled. “Of course. It’s my job to make them do things. Your pies just make good bribery. And don’t let them kid you about that couch. They’re fine with it being gone. Chowder was the only worry but he loves the one you got to replace it and I know he’ll have no problem pre-game napping there.”

“You really think they won’t mind?” Bitty worried. “I mean, they were the ones that wouldn’t let me throw it out last year, even after it broke during that party.”

“They’ll be fine.” Lardo assured him. “And if they’re not, you tell me and I’ll deal with it. It’s a couch. They can deal with this change.”

“Thank you.” Bitty said, hugging her quickly before running out of the room. He was so overwhelmed that she was protecting him like that he needed to go take a minute in the bathroom.

Just as he was calming down again, he could hear the moment Holster spotted the new couch.

“LARDO!” He screamed. “WHERE IS THE GREEN COUCH?”

“In the trash!” Lardo told him. “Where it belongs!”

“But Lardo!” Ransom chimed in. “It’s Chowder’s pre-game nap couch!”

“Chowder said it was fine.” She snapped. “That couch was old, disgusting, and after that party last year broken beyond repair. Bitty was kind enough to deal with throwing it out and buying us all a new one so you can shut up about it!”

The floor below went silent and Bitty slipped out of the bathroom, going to the stairs to see if he could hear anything. He didn’t so he assumed it was safe enough to go down.

“Guys?” He called, walking into the kitchen to find Holster and Lardo in a stare off. “Everything okay?”

“It’s fine.” Ransom told him, walking over. “Good to see you again Bitty.” He said, pulling Bitty into a tight but gentle hug. It was nothing like the tackle hug he’d seen Ransom give out before.

Holster looked away from Lardo then, leaving her looking triumphant, and walked over as well to give Bitty another soft hug. “Thanks for replacing the couch.” Hoslter told him.

Bitty just stood there, staring at the two of them.

“Can we have pie now?” Ransom asked, looking at Lardo.

“Yes.” She nodded. “Yes you may.”

Both of them immediately dove for the pie pan, each taking a piece from their favorite lying on the counter.

“Told you it’d be fine.” Lardo smiled, nudging Bitty’s shoulder.

“Thank you.” Bitty smiled.

“I got your back.” Lardo promised. “I always will.”

***

Bitty didn’t know why, but something was different with the team. Everyone was acting completely normal, but everyone was being gentle with him. At first it was just like appreciation things. Whenever he made a pie, Hoslter, Ransom, Nursey, DEx, even Chowder, whoever ended up eating it, would just walk up to him and give him a big hug and say thank you for the pie. None of them ever mentioned the change in habit from just shouts of appreciation as an after-thought on the way out of the Haus, but then the changes got worse. The team stopped dragging him into cuddle piles on the new couch to watch They did conditioning the other day and when everyone else was wrestling and grabbing each other into headlocks, Bitty got pats on the shoulder and words of encouragement instead. He was starting to get really worried about it, scared it was the team’s way of marking him as different, as someone that couldn’t be treated like a real member of the team because he was small and breakable. But they’d never acted like this before. Even after his concussion he was included in team piles and wrestling, albeit more gently than normal. He was scared. He was terrified of being hurt again. And he cried into Señor Bun’s fur as he tried not to cry too loud and attract the attention of the others in the Haus while he explained all of this to Jack over Skype.

“Bitty, Bits, are you still there?” Jack begged, not able to hear Bitty anymore.

“What did I do?” Bitty begged. “What did I do to make them change? To make them hate me?”

“Bits they don’t hate you.” Jack assured quickly. “I promise you they don’t hate you. I promise.”

“How do you know?” Bitty cried. “How do you know? You aren’t here! You don’t see them like this!”

Jack was crying on the other side and made a decision he knew might blow up in his face. “Because Lardo asked them to be more gentle and this is them trying not to hurt you.”

Bitty froze. “What?”

“I talked to Lardo after we talked in Madison, asking her if she knew of any ways to help someone having a physical memory based panic attack, and she guessed it was you.”

“You told her?”

“Not everything.” Jack immediately assured. “Hardly anything really. She-she had noticed how you didn’t like the roughness of the team last year and made an educated guess that something had happened to you in Georgia that caused these anxious feelings about being around athletes who are bigger than you, because you don’t have as much problems with Chowder as you do with Ransom and Holster. She asked if there was something she could do to make it easier for you.”

Bitty was tearing up again, for a different. “She asked them to be gentle?”

Jack nodded. “She told them to be more careful with you this year, more gentle. I guess she probably should’ve mentioned it to you as well so you knew that it was happening. We didn’t mean to scare you.”

Tears were rolling down Bitty’s face again. “She asked them and they changed?”

“Yea.” Jack nodded. “Why wouldn’t they? They don’t want you to get hurt, especially emotionally hurt.”

Bitty buried his face in his hands, muffling his cries.

“Bits.” Jack called. “Bitty. Bitty I need you to talk to me Bits.”

Bitty couldn’t respond, just shook his head in his hands, mumbling through his cries.

“Bitty, I’m texting Lardo.” Jack told him. “I need someone to be there with you. Okay?”

Bitty didn’t reply, so Jack texted Lardo asking her to come check on Bitty immediately. A moment later she was using her emergency to get into Bitty’s room.

“Oh Bitty!” She exclaimed, seeing him on the bed in tears. She immediately shut the door again and hurried over to pull him into a hug. “Bits what’s going on?” She noticed Jack on the screen a moment later and yanked out Bitty’s headphones so she could hear.

“He was asking about the team’s change in treatment of him.” Jack explained. “He’s terrified it’s because they’ve started to hate him and want him gone.”

“Oh fuck no!” Lardo exclaimed, squeezing Bitty in her arms. “Bits the boys all love you!”

“I told him you asked them to change and that’s why they did and he just started crying.” Jack told her, starting to cry again himself. “I don’t-I don’t know what to do when I can’t hug him.”

“I can hug him.” Lardo said firmly. “Always.”

“They care!” Bitty managed to choke out.

“What Bitty?” Lardo asked. “Who are you talking about?”

“The team.” Bitty cried. “They care. That’s why they changed so much?”

“Of course.” Lardo smiled. “Bitty, we all love you. You’re a member of this team and that makes you family. Jack told me that being gentle and giving hugs instead of tackles would work better and help you stay calmer and might even help with your checking problem. So I talked to the boys. All of them. Last year I watched you shrink away in fear from Shitty when he raised his voice. I watched you back up in _fear_ when Holster and Ransom celebrated a good game. And I _never_ want to see that again. None of us do. We don’t want you to be scared, you’re family.”

“And I don’t either.” Jack told him. “I don’t want you to be scared of me.”

“I’m not.” Bitty promised. “Just, I’m scared of memories.”

“And we all understand.” Lardo assured him. “I didn’t tell the boys anything, just told them to be gentle, and they are. You’ve seen their love first hand.”

“They changed for me.” Bitty looked astonished, tears on his face. “Me?”

Lardo nodded. “Bits, Holster and Ransom both love you like a brother. They show love in a more violent way than most on a daily basis, but for you, they don’t mind giving hugs instead of tackles. I just had to ask them to be gentle.”

“And I asked Lardo to do that so please don’t be mad at her for causing this.” Jack begged. “I’ll take the blame Bits but please, no one on the team hates you. They care about you, that’s why they tried so hard to be careful.”

“No. No. No. No.” Bitty shook his head.

“No what, Bitty?” Lardo asked gently. “You have to talk to us.”

“I’m not mad.” Bitty gasped. “I’m shocked.”

“What’s there to be shocked about?” Lardo smiled. “This team has your back, we’re very adamant about that.”

“No team I’ve ever been on has cared this much.” Bitty cried. “I-I just-”

“Lardo please hug him.” Jack begged, crying again.

Lardo did as asked and pulled Bitty to her chest, holding him tightly.

“Bitty,” she whispered. “You are so loved by every member of this team. So, so loved. We will never let you get hurt again, okay? I promise. You’re safe with us.”

Bitty nodded, hugging her back as tight as he could. “Thank you.”

Neither of them noticed the door open or Holster poking his head in.

“Hey Bits could you-holy shit what’s wrong?” He demanded before ducking back out and shouting down the hall. “RANS! GET DOWN HERE! BITTY NEEDS EVERYONE!”

“What’s going on?” Chowder asked, coming out of his room.

“Come on.” Holster said, pushing him towards Bitty’s room. “We’re having team cuddles.”

Holster didn’t ask any questions as he and Chowder curled up with Bitty and Lardo, but Chowder did.

“Are you okay Bitty?” He asked.

Bitty nodded. “I’ll be okay.”

“He had a bad nightmare and can’t get rid of it.” Jack jumped in.

“Well we are here to scare every bad thing away.” Holster told him, rubbing Bitty’s back. “We’ve always got your back.”

“What’s going on holy shit!” Ransom exclaimed, coming to the door. He hurried right over, joining Holster’s side on Bitty’s bed. “What happened?”

“Bad nightmare.” Holster explained.

“Jack?” Ransom noticed. “He called you?”

“The nightmare was sorta about you guys.” Jack said slowly. “That you don’t love him anymore because you don’t treat him the same as you always did.”

“Bullshit.” Ransom said immediately. “We love you Bits.”

“Definitely.” Holster agreed. “We’ve been trying to be more gentle because-”

“I told him.” Lardo cut in. “Then he realized how much everyone cares to change their way of showing affection to him and got a little overwhelmed.”

“Oh Bitty.” Chowder gasped. “Of course we love you. You take such good care of all of us and you’re always willing to help, there’s nothing not to love about you.”

“And don’t you dare say your fear of checking.” Lardo immediately cut in. “Because that does not count at all.”

“Definitely not.” Holster agreed. “You’re so fast you don’t even need to worry about getting checked. And besides, Rans and I will always have your back, as will the rest of the team. We’re not going to let anyone hurt you. Not even each other.”

Bitty nodded. “Thank you just-thank you.”

Holster nodded. “Now, seeing as we have the Haus gathered and an impartial judge Jack, can we discuss what kind of pie we’re going to have at the first kegster so we can use Haus funds to get Bitty the ingredients he needs?”

“I’m out.” Jack said immediately. “Talk to you later Bits.” He declared before hanging up.

“Spoilsport.” Holster pouted.

“That’s enough.” Lardo admonished. “Are you doing okay Bitty?”

Bitty nodded. “Thanks guys. For…everything.”

“We’ve got your back bro.” Ransom grinned. “Don’t forget that.”

Lardo smiled. “Alright, everyone out. Let’s leave Bitty alone.”

The boys groaned but did as asked, getting up and leaving the room.

Lardo turned to Bitty when they were gone and grinned. “Bits, call your boyfriend back and give him a proper goodnight.”

Bitty’s jaw dropped. “Uh-uh-wha-I-I don’t-”

Lardo laughed. “Bits, you two are obvious. But don’t worry, the others are oblivious and I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Bitty smiled.

Lardo nodded. “Let me know if you ever need help covering up to go see him.”

“Lardo, you are getting pie tomorrow.” Bitty declared. “Now go.”

She laughed. “Have fun. Be safe.” She winked.

Bitty just blushed as the Skype call to Jack picked up. “Well,” he began. “Lardo knows.”

***

Three weeks later, Bitty was pulling up in front of Jack’s house in Providence, weekend bag in hand. Jack had to have been watching for him as he already had the door open by the time Bitty got out of the car.

“Hey there.” Jack smiled.

Bitty smiled back, hurrying up the walkway to the front of the house to give Jack a hug. “I missed you.” He whispered, pulling away quickly.

“Me too.” Jack agreed, stepping aside for Bitty to come in. As soon as he shut the door, Bitty was in his arms, hugging him tightly. Jack responded with a heartfelt hug of his own, kissing Bitty’s cheek on the way.

“Skype does not do you justice.” Bitty whispered.

“I wish I could hug you through Skype.” Jack told him.

“Well I’m here now.” Bitty sighed. “We can do whatever you’d like.”

“Can we lay on the couch and cuddle?”

Bitty laughed. “Yes, yes we can.”

“Yay.” Jack grinned.

“You are one weird child Jack Zimmermann.”

“But?” Jack asked, grinning.

“But I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Bitty grinned, stretching up and pulling on Jack’s neck to make him bend over. “You make the nightmares not so bad.”

“I’m glad.” Jack smiled, bending over so Bitty could kiss him like he wanted. “All I want is to make you happy.”

“And cuddles.”

“I will always want cuddles.” Jack agreed. “And hugs.”

“Good.” Bitty smiled. “Because that sounds absolutely perfect to me.”


End file.
